Here you go Auntie Bunty, we hope you like them
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things, when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on.
Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. “Pardon me” she said. “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look like my son, who just died recently.”
“I’m very sorry” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?” “Yes” she said. “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye mother? It would make me feel so much better.” “Sure” answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out “Good bye Mother”. As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw his total was £127.50. “How can that be?” he asked. “I only purchased a few things!” “Your mother said that you would pay for her” Said the clerk.
Best Ever Senior Citizen Joke
A woman brought a very limp duck into the veterinary surgeon. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook has head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles has passed away.” The distressed woman wailed, “ Are you sure?” “Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead” replied the vet. “How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done ant testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the ducks owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the
vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took him out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to toe. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook his head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck!”
The vet turned to the computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “£150!” she cried. “£150 just to tell me the duck in dead?”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20, but with the Lab report and the Cat scan, it’s now £150.”
You’ll love this one!!
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy. He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled “Pull Nellie, Pull!” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered “Pull Buster, Pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull Coco, Pull!” Nothing. Then the farmer nonchalantly said “Pull Buddy, Pull!” and the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch. The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times. The
farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!!”